David, in a Nissan Patrol, lost a tug of war to a Land Rover Defender.

He claimed to have had mechanical issues and other excuses related to forgetting to turn on the diff-lock switch. From his sad face for the next hour, I could see he was in a sombre mood, but who can be happy when they have lost?

Elsewhere around the country, Defender owners who got the news celebrated. A Land Rover Defender had put some heavy, overly rated SUV where it belongs. There were three rounds of this tug of war session, which were a walk-over for the Defender. The guys at Nissan were not amused at this piece of insensitive news.

I was quietly proud of my win and how well it had worked out, accepting the pats on the back from my friends and Club members who attended the Chill Out weekend at The Safe House in Kalagi, near Mukono, where we went for a relaxed day away from the Kampala city chaos.

David didn’t know that I took time to plan for this, and I was quite confident I would take on anything that came at me, and unless he was David of the Bible, he didn’t stand a chance at me with the mighty Defender.

On another day, I will tell you what happened to a Defender on one cool day in June 2019. I will invite one of my friends and ardent Club member, Simon Obbo, to narrate the story. He was the Defender driver that courageously took on a tug of war with a Discovery 4. The rest is history but to sum it up; Land Rover owners signed a truce never to do any tugs of war with fellow members of the Land Rover family.

The Chill out Weekend is one of those fun Club Weekend activities held once a month at a selected place within an hour or two drive from Kampala. These trips may include a 4×4 drive or other interesting activities such as visits to historic towns, national parks and game reserves or other places of interest. These trips usually cater for families with children but can be enjoyed by all.

Do we confine ourselves to Land Rovers only on these events? No, we don’t. You don’t even have to own a Land Rover to belong to the Club or come to the events. You just need to have an interest in them. We welcome owners of other vehicles in our Club and to all our events. We even have many members who don’t own Land Rovers.

The day offered a simple off-road challenge that was manageable for all but a gentle reminder of the simplest driving challenges that you may encounter on a normal day while driving in abnormal road conditions such as uneven surfaces, steep inclines, slippery surfaces and areas where you may have to carefully choose the right angle of approach when tackling an obstacle.

A Nissan Navara goes through the simple off-road challenge during the Weekend Chillout at The Safe House in Kalagi

There was flowing music all day till late, goat barbeque, drinks and the great company of Club members and all the other guests! We had a good time with other car enthusiasts. There was enough to choose from a selected Safe House food menu.

Ian has enormous respect for food. As sad as it may sound, he’s my friend. We also call him Vanga…whatever that means.

He always goes by his motto of “Fat lives matter.” I proved this when I travelled with him from Uganda to Botswana and back. The only time he didn’t mention food in any of our conversations was when he was asleep.

Sam, Ian and Dorothy at the Land Rover Uganda Chillout Weekend in Kalagi

Ian was in charge of the goat cooking and roasting for the day. For those of us who know one of Ian’s strengths, we had to assign an assistant or else there would be a quarter goat by the time the cooking was done. I will leave the details to your imagination. Take as much time as you want…

Suffice to say, we ate the goat, and it was delicious. Sam, Ian’s brother, has this naughty idea that whenever the goat meat is tough to eat, it means that the goat was not slapped on its behind. I hear the slap softens the meat. You can see the kind of friends I have!

“Ronnie, are you passing by Lugazi or Seeta today?” I don’t know whether it was the wine or the effect of something she took in the tea that morning, but Dorothy, one of our few lady Club members, kept asking me that question. “I will…uhmm pass by both towns. Why?” I asked her. She just gave me this cheeky smile and ended at that. I will probably never know why she asked me that question, but I was happy to see Isabella arrive at the venue. And Yes, she was from Seeta on that day. She is one of our newest Club members, and this was her first Club getaway to attend.

Remember Ian, who was in charge of the goat roasting? He had temporarily abandoned his post and had turned into Isabella’s tour guide of the place. He showed her how green and lush the pine trees forest was and attempted to explain to her the different species of plants they came across. After grunting and sweating along the safe house “nature walk” with her, all he needed was a case of beer.

He continued managing the kitchen department and food or whatever he was preparing while putting on a show for us with some never seen before dance strokes as if a pleasant way for him to keep going as he cooked. Sam kept laughing at his dance style and moves, making us burst out in silly laughter. On the other hand, Dorothy loved the moves and kept cheering him on.

“Okay, chaps,” Ian said. (He called us chaps) “That’s it!” That was the signal the show was over. He ditched the knife and cutting board that he was swinging around while dancing and went for more beer.

Anyone interested would drive through the mini challenge track at any time throughout the day at their own pace. This continued till late while the rest of us sat and told each other stories and also planned for upcoming trips like the Africa Kwetu tour to Northern Uganda and The Charity donation drive to Ngora School of the deaf in Eastern Uganda.

Daniel Mason, the newest Club member, did the mini challenge drive first even though, towards the end, a rear spring popped out slightly, and he also found out that his anti-roll bar was loose, something he wouldn’t have noticed if he hadn’t gone through the challenge. We had that fixed back in quickly and continued with the day.

It was now late evening.

John, Arthur, Isabella, plus other guests, including some of the staff at the venue, sat with us around a bonfire. It was a simple but nice setup inventively created by our hosts. How lovely.

John and Arthur at the Chill out Weekend

Around this, chairs and some tables were set for us, who were delighted at the sight. Firelight is romantic and makes everyone look beautiful. We loved it. “B… But, what if something comes from the forest and charges us?” Isabella anxiously asked. “Well,” I said. I don’t think anything will be running this way to charge at us. Didn’t Ian tell you that on the nature walk?” We only have goats, cows and sheep here. Nothing wild in there can force us to sprint for our lives.

I was relaxing and listening to all sorts of adventure stories from John and Arthur when I heard a sneeze. It wasn’t a human sneeze but that of a goat.

It was probably tied onto a tree at the edge of the pine tree mini forest by one of the Safe House neighbourhood friends. Goats don’t sneeze because of allergies but mainly to warn each other of danger, whether real or imagined. They also sneeze because of irritation of their nasal cavity.

Before I had time to explain this pertinent detail to the group around the night fire, Joseph burst back into our circle from his Land Rover 110 Pick-up Defender with an ice cooler box full of beer which he distributed to us generously. I don’t remember how that session ended, but it was a fun night, and we all reached home safely.

David vanished before we had a chance to say goodbye. He was probably still depressed after losing the tug of war. I saw distant brake lights on his car, and the dude vanished into thin air in about two seconds.

The Safe House offers a homely and peaceful atmosphere for anyone who loves the outdoors to spend quiet time alone or with a group of friends or family. The friendly staff are always welcoming, and the food is excellent. The place has been recently opened to guests. There are some ongoing works and a swimming pool under construction, but that doesn’t distract you from the peace and tranquillity. It is a budding destination for nature lovers and birders alike.

I have since lazily identified 38 bird species in the area, including two that seem to enjoy a sneaky visit to the kitchen for food scraps. I know I can identify more in the area with the help of a massive book. It is this book that I was given, as a gift, by a team from National Geographic on one of their bird filming expeditions in Uganda. It is the sort that would break bones if it were dropped on your foot. It is filled with seemingly identical birds at first sight, but with time, you start putting some ticks next to the species you have seen.

I still wonder, though, why that goat sneezed. It probably had some allergies.